Confessions: I hate twitter. I don't use it (except to check the box that makes little tweets out of my posts at Frogs o' War) and I don't surf it (sing it?) and have no plans to start. And I don't worry about missing important things that pop up first on Twitter, because so many other folks keep tabs on it. It's kind of them, really.

But I love a good joke as much as I hate Twitter. And SI.com's diva for the undercard, Holly Anderson, has collected her favorite tweets from the first half of the college football season. It's an amazing collection; read all of them. Here are my favorites from her favorites:

Michigan men do poorly against Air Force because they believe wars should only be fought on land and sea.

— Bobby Big Wheel (@BobbyBigWheel) September 8, 2012

"It's hard to get the Cam Newton level kind of talent every year." Because, you know, inflation.

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) September 8, 2012

College football coaches should start riding horses on the sidelines like Civil War generals.

— Danger Guerrero (@DangerGuerrero) September 15, 2012

Will Muschamp just never looks comfortable in chinos. That's a huge handicap for a college coach.

— SC_DougFarrar (@SC_DougFarrar) September 15, 2012

LeVeon Bell probably headed for another 40-plus carry game. He's on pace to leave Michigan State with a degree in sociology and no ligaments

— Dan Wetzel (@DanWetzel) September 16, 2012

how long do you think jim grobe and frank beamer could stare at each other with their arms crossed w/out moving

— Martin Rickman (@martinrickman) September 15, 2012

Tommy Rees is warming up for Notre Dame. And Michigan.

— @BarkingCarnival (@BarkingCarnival) September 23, 2012

It's like I've always said: Nobody beats West Virginia when they put up 70 at home.

— Richard Deitsch (@richarddeitsch) September 29, 2012

His eyes full of rage, Nick Saban knocked all the microwave popcorn off the shelf. "THAT'S DISHONEST. THAT'S NOT WHAT SNACKS SHOULD BE."

— sir broosk (@celebrityhottub) October 5, 2012

Words can't explain Morgantown last night. I witnessed a man in a Spider Man costume ask a police officer what he could do to help.

— Nick Arthur (@NarthurD) October 7, 2012

Texas is like "uh uh, I seent this before. I'm going to get a fried snickers"

— Michael Felder (@InTheBleachers) October 13, 2012

Girl, when you rush from the arms of Everett Golson into the arms of Tommy Rees you need to meet some new damn men.

— edsbs (@edsbs) October 13, 2012