"It's finally here, ladies! Game day against Tech. You all know by now that I've had this circled on the calendar for a long, long time. Now, Frogs, here's how we can get out from under the Raider scoreboard and attendance taunts.
Actually, nothing will ever get us away from a Red Raider talking attendance smack. Alas, some things are just meant to suck.
However, if you boys want to win this game, you'll do exactly what I tell you to do! Do you understand?!?!
FIRST: You've gotta contain that walk-on freshman Baker Mayfield. He's got a really good arm and some damn good feet to go with it. He's like the vanilla version of Trevone Boykin. SO. Get pressure, but don't let him escape the pocket. Devonte, I'm challenging you to get 3 sacks today. Make up for a little lost time will ya?!
SECOND: RUN THE BALL ALL OVER THEM. THEN RUN SOME MORE. You know how you keep a good offense off the field? By keeping yours on it! Run the ball, zone read all over their faces. With Catalon, James and Boykin, we should be able to move the ball with no problem. If they start to catch on, BURN THEM DEEP. But really, Tre, just make good decisions.
THIRD: The secondary needs to show up. It's been a rough first two games for you fellas, and you'll need to redeem yourselves a little bit. Verrett and White, it's on you tonight fellas. These receivers ripped through our defense like it was a wet paper bag in the second half and during overtime last year. Don't let it happen again. Don't.
Most importantly though men, just make sure you do whatever it takes to win by 1 (or more). I will not, I repeat will not, be able to take another year of Tech harassment from my wife.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!
GOOD, NOW LET'S PLAY SOME FOOTBALL BALL"
(Jamie runs through your living room wall, sprints down the street screaming unintelligible things).