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Breaking Bear: The Four Fans You See at Every Baylor Game

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Here at Frogs O' War, we love to poke the Bear, and for good reason...

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

You know them. You dislike them - strongly. They are the masses (?) clad in green in gold; the uninformed, hypocritical, 61-58 spewing students who have the gall to talk smack to anyone and everyone despite the fact that they willingly live in Waco, and who will go to the grave actually believing that anyone outside of their inner circle both likes and respects Art Briles. They are the Baylor Bear fans, and they are the worst kind of awful.

Let's meet them.

The "Eyes Wide Shut" Fan:

I won't go too much in to the movie (this is a family site after all), but if you're familiar with the plot, it involves Tom Cruise (the Patron Saint of the Bears as a fellow sufferer of Napoleon Syndrome) infiltrating a secret society that centers around illicit, masked, sex after his wife reveals she had contemplated an affair a year earlier. This movie resonates deeply with fans of the university down south, as, much like Tom Cruise marrying Nicole Kidman, they used tricks and potions to find themselves in, and eventually atop, the Big XII. The shame ingrained in them as part of their curriculum runs parallel to the spiritual journey of Cruise's Dr. Bill Hartford, but unlike most of Baylor Nation, he eventually decides to be true to himself, as opposed to hiding behind societal expectations and living his life in secret.

The "As Far as I Know Baylor Didn't Have a Football Team Before 2008" Fan:

Hey there, did you know that BU has a Heisman winner? Did you also know, that after leading the team to a sterling 22-18 record over the course of three plus seasons, one bowl victory, and zero conference championships, Baylor built him a statue? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then what you may not know is that the Bears actually fielded a football team before RGIII came to campus. All-time, the Bears boast a winning record - barely - at 580-549-44. They have an all-time Big XII record of 154-220-12. They have nine conference championships in their 119 year history, four of them shared, and ten bowl wins in 21 tries. But, that is all irrelevant to the Big XII's biggest braggarts, who seem to forget they were all but irrelevant before their "transcendent QB" - he of the four games above .500 record - and their mastermind coach - who might be an offensive genius but is just as well known for being flat out offensive to the rest of the world.

The "Baylor Line" Fan:

True story: against OU, a Baylor freshman I know fell during this ridiculous display and broke her wrist. I think that's all I need to say about this group, who duplicates the same tradition done by small children at TCU home games.

The "61-58" Fan:

Were you aware that Baylor actually beat TCU last year by a score of 61-58? This fan will remind of that, if not. And that's all they'll remind you of. Never mind their overall record, or their bowl performance, or any of that. They beat TCU guys. Over a year ago. AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

Got any other types of Baylor fan? Let us know in the comments.