Only the Lion can sleep in the Jungle

For the second straight week I had to make my picks in the morning and rush off to a wedding while my television sat alone in the dark, longing, yearning, pining to be watched, wishing someone would smoothly and gently press their buttons as they felt the warm embrace of company. (That got weird, fast)

PEOPLE LISTEN UP: I am unsure of the audience to which I am writing, but to all my unmarried degenerate gambling friends, I have one piece of advice: DO NOT HAVE A WEDDING IN THE FALL.

Just don’t do it. Save yourself the misery and save your friends from resenting you the rest of your life. I know what you (and your wife) are thinking; it is such a beautiful time... but at what cost? It is the worst, but don’t just take my word for it.

Also, I feel as though I am experiencing some sort of cosmic punishment for betting on Baylor, and I suppose the repercussions are just. This is what I get for making the Baylor game my lock of the week, and I deserve the shame.

You know who is the worst kind of person? The person who takes a shot at the beginning of a game of horse, misses that shot and then says it was just a warm up. They are jerks and they are the reason I don’t play horse any more.

That being said, last week was my warm up, and those picks technically didn’t count so let’s officially start keeping track (1-4 - insert shrug emoji here).

All game lines are taken on Wednesday 11/2 at 11:00 CST

Game One: Oklahoma (6-2, 5-0) at Iowa State (1-7, 0-5)

Oklahoma opens up as a 21 point favorite. They also will be without their emerging star, running back Joe Mixon, as he was suspended for one game for punching a parking ticket right in the face.

MY PICK: Iowa State

MY REASON: Thursday night games are always weird. Ames, Iowa is not the easiest place to play, and while I don’t think it is a trap game for Oklahoma, I do think they have the capacity to start flat without their leading rusher and their second leading receiver.

Game Two: Alabama (8-0, 5-0) at LSU (5-2, 3-1)

Alabama opens up as an 8 point favorite against LSU. LSU is at home, and they have played tremendously well with their interim coach, Ed Orgeron. Typically Ed has a tendency to take over the reins and have success for three weeks, and as this is week four I think his luck is about to run out.

MY PICK: Alabama

MY REASON: You don’t bet against the Tide. Nick Saban will know. He has a certain set of skills, and he will find you.

Game Three: Oklahoma State (6.5-1.5 (The Central Michigan game counts as half), 4-1) at Kansas State (5-3, 3-2)

Oklahoma State opens as a 3 point underdog on the road against the wizard in the little apple. I’m going to come out with a hot sports opinion right here and now. Bill Snyder should grow out his hair and beard and coach a game dressed like Gandalf next year over the Halloween weekend, or every week for that matter.

MY PICK: Oklahoma State

MY REASON: Oklahoma State is actually projected to win this game despite being the underdog. I am not quite sure how that works, but I am picking the Pokes here to continue their solid play.

Homer Pick: TCU (4-4, 2-3) at Baylor (6-1, 3-1)

This game used to mark the most important week in TCU football fans. Sadly, scandal and acrimony have taken the wind out of the proverbial sails of this game. For some reason it feel different.

MY PICK: Froggies, Duh.

MY REASON: Homers gon’ homer. (SERIOUSLY DON’T BET THIS GAME)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: Nebraska (7-1, 4-1) at Ohio State (7-1, 4-1)

If you have learned anything over the past two weeks, it is to either not bet my lock, or do the exact opposite of what I do.

BET NEBRASKA: They are 17 point underdogs here. Ohio State has looked less than stellar the past two weeks, I think it will be a good game. I honestly don’t care who wins, but I think the SKA will cover.

BONUS PICK OF THE WEEK: UCLA (3-5, 1-4) at COLORADO (6-2, 4-1)

The Buffs are a 13 point favorite. They are also undefeated this year against the spread. Ride em’ until they buck you. Plus, Josh Rosen is out for this game and for the rest of the year. I like the buffs here.

Remember the words of the doctor from “The Natural”

“Gambling is a disease... as contagious as polio or typhoid...”

Oh wait, he said losing was a disease... Well we don’t have any of that here.

Carry on.