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A Big 12 Christmas Carol

A Merry Christmas to the Conference

NFL: New York Giants at Arizona Cardinals Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Merry Christmas Big 12 Conference!

We had a great year, I can say with confidence.

A team in the playoff,

without any chaos.

80% made a bowl game

TCU getting left out of NY6 is a shame.

But there is still reason to be merry

No thanks to Jones, Jerry.

Santa dropped us off all gifts

He looked at both his nice and naughty lists.

To see what everyone got, read along with me

Enjoy this article instead of going on a shopping spree.

In first place OU got a trip to the playoffs via the Rose Bowl

Baker woke up next to his Heisman and found a lump of coal.

For crotch grabbing is frowned upon now

But Lincoln in your first year as HC go ahead and take a bow!

The Sooners have the second coming of the son!

No not Jesus, but the second coming of Buddy in the form of Trae Young!

In San Antonio, Coach Patterson woke up to find another 10 win season

A smile across his face, but what could be the reason?

The Big 12’s best defense and a handful of recruits!

Oh what’s this? We are undefeated in loopty shoots?

Coach Dixon is smiling as well!

For TCU is good at basketball can’t you tell?

In Alamo City is where the football team will play

Let’s just hope Gary doesn’t change at halftime that day.

It’ll be Kenny and the team’s last time to play this year

So let’s paint the town purple and yell “Go Frogs” for all to hear.

Down in Stillwater, there is a man that is 40+ years old

And in Stillwater is where he’ll be staying from what I’ve been told.

They also have a good quarterback with a coincidental name.

Rudolph they call him, and the deep pass is his game.

They have great fries at Eskimo Joes,

Oh look there’s James Washington running a fly route, you know how it goes.

The Mid season darlings are cold up in Ames.

The coach is unwrapping his copy of Skyfall with Bond, James.

Good for you Iowa State, although I wish we would’ve won

But happy you kept your coach and he sure isn’t done.

Unfortunately you have to play Memphis in their home

But hey you have nice helmets, especially the ones with chrome!

Western Virginia how about you!?

I hope you’re not still mad about a pass interference call or two.

But there is reason to rejoice!

Will Grier is coming back, and this time by choice!

That guy Stills he’s coming back too!

Also, we probably would not have gotten ESPN Gameday without you!

Much love West Virginia, we’re happy you are here

Jevon Carter’s hairline is all you need to fear.

K-State just woke up and Santa, I mean Bill Snyder is back!

Let’s see what gifts that old man is handing out from his gift sack.

Another year another bowl appearance, and on his 4th string QB.

If that’s not the gift of giving then nobody talk to me.

K-State you have great fans and a beautiful Campus too.

Here’s all hoping that in hoops you get to beat KU.

Speaking of the Jayhawks, congrats you have basketball once more!

Oh no what’s that? Water leaking on the floor?

I hope the field house gets fixed in a jiffy!

Even if your chances of winning the big 12 this year are a bit iffy.

Just kidding you’re going to win the conference we all know it.

When you guys are great again, the home crowd, like the christmas trees will be lit.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk is what they’ll say,

And I promise, you’ll make a bowl, not now but someday!

Speaking of making a bowl, how are things in Lubbock now that the season is over?

There is still reason for cheer, I mean the defense was almost like a bulldozer!

6-7 is better than going 4-8

For that, there is no debate.

I hope you keep your job Kliff, like Post Malone, on me you are saucing,

Okay that one was tough, I’m just trying to rhyme something with Ryan Gosling.

All Jokes aside you are a great play caller and very cool!

But for now go on vacation and enjoy some mojitos by the pool.

Hit them, Wreck them Red Raiders, hear the victory bell and feel the Raider power

Let’s all be thankful you just beat the team with that damn orange tower.

Oh hey there Texas, how are things in Austin?

You guys made a bowl again, hey that’s pretty bossin’!

You made it to 6-6 again, but hey it is better than nothing.

For Christmas you got a new AD, now isn’t that something.

He’s good at his job so don’t take him for granted.

I just wanted to paint a clear picture so things aren’t slanted.

Now next year nobody is going to cut Herman any slack,

Because as we all know, Texas shall be back!

Am I forgetting someone? Oh wait I know! A team that was looking to make a statement.

So come on out Baylor, from the Big 12’s basement.

Is Scott Drew a good coach? Honestly I couldn’t give you an answer for sure.

And I don’t know what to say about going 1-11, oh but that was so pure.

You may be our rival, but I’m thankful for Baylor, yes you!

Next year who knows, maybe Santa will deliver you a win or two.

Call me what you want, you can even call me a troll.

But seeing Baylor suck...well it’s just good for the soul!

Now I think I got everybody, From Austin to Morgantown.

Everybody got a shout out, so there is no reason to frown.

We have a conference game again, although it may not be for the best

But with certainty there is something I must say, let me puff out my chest.

The Big 12 is the best conference, I don’t care what you say.

8 teams in the postseason over this holiday.

Great offenses and underrated defenses you already know.

You can’t slow us down, not even in the snow.

We have a tough bowl schedule, so we’ll probably just do alright,

That’s all there is to it, and to all a good night!