Across the wide, hellish spectrum that we call the internet, hundreds of snarky college football bloggers woke up Sunday morning, cracked their fingers, fired up their laptops and began writing a version of the sentence: “Did y’all see that TCU lost to Kansas?”
Well, phooey to those snarky college football bloggers. To borrow a phrase from “Animal House,” they can’t make fun of TCU for losing to Kansas. Only we can make fun of TCU for losing to Kansas.
And besides, there’s plenty of other action to talk about from week nine. Look, here’s proof!
Did Y’all See: Georgia Tech’s passing stats against Virginia Tech?
Georgia Tech put a beatdown on the Hokies, winning 49-28 and rushing for 465 yards on Virginia Tech’s home turf.
Wait a minute — Georgia Tech ran for 465 yards, and they had 465 yards total. That can’t be right, can it? Computer: enhance!
Oh boy. Georgia Tech threw one singular pass, which fell incomplete, and still won by three scores over Virginia Tech. This happens, of course — the Yellow Jackets run the triple option with fanatic fervor, and if it works, there’s no need to take to the air. But it’s still funny every time it happens.
Also, Tobias Oliver went 0-1 for 0 yards, and still had a QBR that wasn’t 0.0. I don’t get this sport sometimes.
Did Y’all See: Louisville’s current record?
We’ve talked before about how Lamar Jackson might be the greatest player of all time, once you take into account how bad Louisville looks in its first season without him. But the Cardinals just gave up 56 points to Wake Forest, so we have to talk about Louisville yet again.
Fun fact: my aunt is the dean of housing at Wake Forest, and I like the university just fine. Also, I would pick the Demon Deacons to play against in NCAA 08, because I could reliably beat them 98-0 each and every time. And yet, here goes Louisville, losing by 21 to a school that has produced luminary NFL players such as checks notes, squints Tyson Clabo and Ricky Proehl.
The Cardinals have now lost by 24 to Virginia, by 35 to Georgia Tech, by 18 to Boston College and by 21 to Wake Forest.
It’s time to bring this back out.
Pooisville Fartnals ain't played nobody. pic.twitter.com/X6L221Qi9t— SB Nation (@SBNation) October 1, 2016
Did Y’all See: The Northern Illinois-BYU score?
I know nobody has ever asked that question before in human history. But single-digit college football games always make me laugh, and the Cougars and Huskies played one humdinger of a boring game on Saturday.
Northern Illinois won 7-6 in a game that somehow had 505 yards of combined offense and just one turnover. All of that work and effort leading to a massively unsatisfactory outcome and an inexplicably low amount of final product? What is this, a factory in 1950s Soviet Russia? (GOT ‘EM)
Did Y’all See: Utah State’s first half?
In the polar opposite of Northern Illinois-BYU, the Utah State Aggies took New Mexico out behind a woodshed. USU (a very fun acronym) put up 52 points in the first half alone and won 61-19.
Take a look at that first half, though. 52 points! Aggie quarterback Jordan Love had five touchdowns by himself and threw for 448 yards in the first 30 minutes. Utah State ran an interception back 100 yards for a score, just for kicks. This game was over quicker than you can say “Why is he spending so much time talking about Utah State-New Mexico?”
Did Y’all See: Iowa State’s mascot fake getting hit in the privates?
I may be a postgrad, but I’m a red-blooded American male, dang it, and there’s nothing funnier to me than a mascot getting hit below the belt. The Colorado Buffalo from earlier this year is a perfect example.
Colorado football’s mascot shot a t-shirt cannon into his own groin.— Brad Galli (@BradGalli) September 20, 2018
He was carted off the field. OUCH. pic.twitter.com/2eT544c2mY
So when I saw this tweet and video of the Iowa mascot making the rounds, I was excited.
But look closely at the end of this video. Examine it like it’s the Zapruder Film. The football does in fact hit the Hawkeye, but the ball comes nowhere close to the groin area. If anything, it takes out the mascot’s knee.
I’m all for mascot-nut shot related humor. But faking a knock to the twig and berries is a shame. The Iowa mascot owes the Colorado Buffalo — and all of us, really — a sincere apology.