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Sweet! Exploring Big 12 teams as Halloween candy

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The conference as a whole has been pretty sour in 2018, so let’s bring some sweetness to the party.

Happy Halloween everyone! It’s that time of the year where everyone looks for a reason to dress up in costume and rob their neighbors of candy! I look it as an opportunity to wear a onesie at work - and I am about that life folks.

As you get ready to trick or treat yourself, with your kids, or be like me and turn the porch light off with the hope your house won’t get egged, you’ll likely be pondering the treasure trove of sweet tricks you will be taking in this evening. Everyone has a favorite Halloween candy, and a least favorite, and it just so happens, your favorite Big 12 football teams do, too! In fact, it can be argued that each of the ten programs in the midwest’s favorite league can be represented by one of the festively packaged treats in bags and plastic pumpkins this evening. Let’s take a look at who is what!

Baylor: This one is easy... Baylor is absolutely the dentist that lives down the block and hands out floss with a wink and a smile, saying “you don’t want to rot your teeth, kids!”. That guy sucks. Sucks to BU.

Iowa State: One of my favorite traditions when I lived a short distance from my parents was spending halloween at their house. My dad and I would sit on the front porch, handing out candy to the kids and glasses of wine to the adults. That feels like the Cyclones - you don’t know what’s going to happen with them on any given Saturday, but, there will probably be alcohol involved.

Kansas: Jayhawk Football is like being handed a full size candy bar, only to realize it’s a Chunky bar. Who puts raisins in candy? KU supposedly has a football program, but... do they really? ... and yes, I am aware TCU lost to them and now I am sad again.

Kansas State: The Wildcats are like candy corn - you know it’s showing up every year, no one really likes it, but when you get to the bottom of the bag and that’s all that is left, it’s not a super offensive option.

Oklahoma: The best halloween candy is a classic with a twist - the pumpkin shaped Reeses’ peanut butter cup. I will die on this hill. OU once again looks like the best team in the conference, something that comes as no surprise, but the twist is an even more dynamic athlete at QB and maybe a competent defense?

Oklahoma State: The Take 5 bar is one of the more underrated candies out there - when is the last time you had one? That magical combination of salty and sweet hits every note just right, but it’s often forgotten about in the realm of other treats until you find one among the pile and remember just how good it can be. The Pokes reminded everyone that, even in a down year, they can cause some problems in conference play. They effectively knocked Texas out of the playoff picture and got themselves back in the mix with a win in Stillwater Saturday.

TCU: There is no more controversial gift to bestow on trick or treaters than a popcorn ball. Do you eat it? Is it poison? Is the popcorn stale or will the caramel break your teeth? There is no bigger disappointment than getting a popcorn ball in your bag and knowing it will either be delicious or kill you. 2018 TCU will kill you.

Texas: Any candy that’s more air than sugar isn’t to be trusted, and after years of being BACK, we have learned that the Longhorns can’t be trusted yet, either. That makes UT the perfect Milky Way. We always get excited about the combination of chocolate and caramel, but that damn nougat is always a disappointment. Sound familiar?

Texas Tech: Krackel bar... puffed up rice krispies, full of hot air, and covered in milk chocolate to disguise that it’s really just an average cereal masquerading as something better. Yup, sounds about right.

West Virginia: Do people hand out moonshine on Halloween in Morgantown? I feel like they should. Otherwise, the Eers are best represented by pop rocks... plenty of buildup, plenty of excitement - but in the end, the result is a little disappointing. Is this the year WVU finishes strong in November and actually explodes? With a trip to Austin and a home date with OU, we are about to find out.

Happy Halloween folks. Be safe out there.