A Rooting Guide to the College Football Playoff

TCU fans don’t have a bowl game to look forward to this season, and that stinks.

But there are bright sides to not worrying about how the Horned Frogs will handle a mid-level P5 team in a far-off neutral site city. For one, this allows the smart gambler time to find his or her sure plays. When I ignore my family on Christmas Eve to watch BYU-Hawaii in the Hawaii Bowl, I’ll be able to tell my mom exactly why I put so many units on the Rainbow Warriors covering the spread!

Not having a bowl team also allows TCU fans to hop aboard a bandwagon, and that’s what we’ll talk about today. LSU, Oklahoma, Clemson and Ohio State will play for a national championship this year. Now is the time to declare your allegiance and begin to mock fans of the other three teams as though you were sworn enemies.

Here’s a guide for free agent TCU fans looking to latch on to a Playoff team. As always, if you have a tenuous connection to one of the four — like, if your great-aunt went to Clemson, or you played high school soccer with a guy that went to LSU — now’s a good chance to maximize those for all they’re worth.

LSU Tigers

Why you should root for them: I could point you to any Ed Orgeron press conference for this. Coach O has become a living, growling, gumbo-guzzling meme, and I am all for it. Joe Burrow is a shoo-in for the Heisman and produces absolute witchcraft from the quarterback position at times. Running back Clyde Edwards-Helaire is a furiously angry bowling ball. Grant Delpit and Derek Stingley Jr. wreak havoc on defense. Watching Cajuns be happy makes me happy, and should make you happy as well.

Why you shouldn’t root for them: This is a galaxy-brain reason, but TCU has been steadily trying to make headway recruiting in Louisiana (see: Garret Wallow, Ar’Darius Washington, Justin Rogers). LSU winning a national title might just seal up the state for the Tigers. Also, if you’re one of those weirdos that has an anti-SEC mentality, I guess that’s a reason as well.

Clemson Tigers

Why you should root for them: Trevor (writer’s note: this originally said Taylor. I am a big dumb idiot.) Lawrence is a surgical beach bum. Travis Etienne might sneakily be the best running back in the country. Dynasties are uncomfortably fun to root for, and the Tigers are on the verge of becoming one. If you enjoy lecturing people on the values of amateurism, this is the team for you.

Why you shouldn’t root for them: Dabo’s shtick is getting old quickly. Clemson didn’t play anybody all year. Howard’s Rock is an overrated tradition. South Carolina is the lesser of the two Carolinas.

Ohio State Buckeyes

Why you should root for them: Chase Young might be overhyped, but he’s not overrated — he’s a one-man demolition derby at defensive end. Justin Fields has somehow just thrown one interception this season and is maddeningly frustrating to watch. J.K. Dobbins will break at least one play that will leave your jaw on the ground.

Why you shouldn’t root for them: Well, they employed Urban Meyer as recently as 2018. The Big 10 is a boring slog full of angry men in hoodies and jerseys thrown on over hoodies. If you still hold a grudge from 2014, let it carry over to now.

Oklahoma Sooners

Why you should root for them: The Big 12 needs some respect, and Oklahoma winning would bring it. CeeDee Lamb is, for my money, the best receiver in the country. If you’re a Cowboys fan that wants Jerry Jones to hire Lincoln Riley, a national title would go a long way in convincing ol’ Jerry.

Why you shouldn’t root for them: You want the Big 12 to earn respect, you just don’t want Oklahoma to have any. You’re a Cowboys fan that doesn’t want Lincoln Riley. You think the transfer quarterback market is a massive farce and a disgrace to the game (at least, until TCU lands a great one).

Who I’m rooting for:

LSU. Geaux Tigahs.