The June heat has set in, baseball is the only college sport on TV, and the content mill for college football has slowed to a crawl. Hell, there aren’t even any good movies coming out, unless you count the one about what would happen if the most overrated band in history didn’t actually exist.
But all that means it’s the perfect time to take a look back at five of the top stories of the offseason. And by “top stories,” I mean “dumb things that happened.”
That’s right — it’s time for a special midsummer edition of
America’s the Big 12’s TCU’s my mom’s favorite college football recap series! Gather your friends, put your summer vacations on hiatus, and ask each other: Did Y’all See That?
Did Y’all See: Dabo Swinney’s nickname for himself?
Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney is one of the two best coaches in college football and a two-time national champion. He can also be a really weird dude, as he revealed earlier this month.
As reported by TigerNet, Swinney has run into some resistance plucking recruits away from the state of Alabama. Despite Swinney’s time as a receiver for the Crimson Tide, it seems residents of the Magnolia State aren’t that happy with Clemson beating up on Alabama in national title games. That forces Swinney to go in undercover. Or, as he put it...
“I think it was all fun and games early on. It was, ‘Aww, isn’t that sweet?’ and all that stuff. I don’t know about walls, but I am kinda like Osama Bin Dabo. I have to navigate my way through the caves and back channels to make my way through Alabama these days.”
Osama. Bin. Dabo. What other despots and bad men were his options? Swinney Hussein? Dabo Zedong? Mahmoud Dabo-jinedad?
Obviously, Dabo wasn’t meaning any harm by this. That doesn’t mean we can’t roast him for it!
Did Y’all See: The Bru McCoy Saga?
This one was so convoluted that I had to go back and make sure I understood it fully before writing about it. (Make your own jokes about how I should probably do that more often.)
McCoy, a 5-star wideout from Santa Ana, California, originally committed to USC in January at the All-American Bowl. But then Kliff Kingsbury, who was the Trojans’ OC at the time, took the Arizona Cardinals job. McCoy then entered the transfer portal and enrolled at Texas.
Apparently, McCoy was homesick, according to Chip Brown of Horns 247. He reentered the transfer portal in late May and recommitted to USC on June 11.
Texas didn’t let him go easily, though. A star-studded contingent of Texas coach Tom Herman, Texas QB Sam Ehlinger, Longhorn receivers coach Drew Mehringer and director of player development Kevin Washington reportedly flew out to California to convince McCoy to stay with Texas.
This whole thing really put a strain on the Texas-Is-Back-O-Meter. McCoy chose Texas after he left USC (Texas is back!). He started getting cold feet and feeling homesick and wanted to leave Austin (Texas is not back!). The Longhorns rallied the troops and sent their best men out to convince him to stay (Texas is back, showing its mighty strength!). McCoy went back to USC anyway (Texas is not back!).
Put a pin in the Longhorns — we’re not done with them yet.
Did Y’all See: The World’s Greatest Oklahoma Fan?
Storms in Oklahoma are no joke. Tornadoes and flooding are all too common. But it looks like residents of the Sooner State have found ways to cope — namely, by making fun of the ‘Horns.
This man is now the Governor of Oklahoma pic.twitter.com/ZzhlxXzzWm— Bunkie Perkins (@BunkiePerkins) May 21, 2019
Pork rinds, Horns Down and the strongest accent north of the Pecos. God bless this man.
Did Y’all See: One Michigan Man’s plea?
Jim Harbaugh is 38-14 at Michigan over four years, has won 10 games three times and perpetually has the Wolverines in the Big 10 title race. And yet to a large contingent of Michigan fans, he is an ineffective weirdo in bad pants.
At spring practice this year, one enterprising Wolverine supporter went airborne with his discontent.
Banner currently flying over Michigan Stadium. pic.twitter.com/fIAaTbqT71— Eric Upchurch (@EUpchurchPhoto) April 13, 2019
“Hey Jim, this is God — it’s OK to pass on 1st down. Let’s try it.”
That’s a bit unfair. Michigan had the 25th best offense in the nation last year, per Football Outsiders, and was the ninth best passing team in the nation by success rate. But fairness doesn’t matter if something is funny, and this is undoubtedly funny.
I hope the next plane message reads something like “Hey Jim, this is God — don’t order milk at Ruth’s Chris ever again.”
Did Y’all See: Mike Leach’s Test Questions?
Mike Leach is the head football coach at Washington State University, a world-renowned bon vivant and, as of this past college semester, the professor of a class called “Leadership Lessons in Insurgent Warfare and Football Strategies.”
As SI reported, the test to enter Leach’s class had two questions.
1. Can the British strategy for the Malaya Insurgency be used today?
2. Is the Wishbone a viable offense for the NFL? Why or why not?
I can’t speak on the first, largely because I don’t know what the Malaya Insurgency is. I do have many opinions on the second, and you can find me shouting them on street corners after every Houston Texans loss.
Leach’s final for his exam asked students to draw up trick plays. SI has the diagrams of some of the plays in the article, and they’re worth a look.
I’m just surprised one of Leach’s questions didn’t involve “getting money back from Texas Tech.”